From Caregiver to Advocate: Nancy Poland’s Mission of Grace, Hope and Compassion

Have you been a personal caregiver, and have been overwhelmed by all the tasks, feelings, and frustrations that come with this unpaid job? I hope you have also found joy in the journey and can see your personal growth.  Nancy Poland can attest to all these as a long-time caregiver and

As the owner of Grace’s Message Nancy states, “With grace and hope, I provide written and spoken communication on caregiving, loss, and other valuable topics.” This aptly describes her mission.

Why Grace?

• The name “Nancy” derives from the word “grace.”
• Both caregivers and care partners require a great deal of grace in the form of patience and understanding from each other. Nancy uses “care partners” to describe those receiving care in various situations.
• Nancy credits God’s grace for helping her overcome challenges, embrace life fully. She recognizes that through grace, God is the giver of all eternal hope.

Professional Life

Nancy retired from NMDP (Previously the National Marrow Donor Program/Be the Match), a nonprofit that seeks cures for blood cancers and disorders. NMDP states on their website: “As a global nonprofit leader in cell therapy, we help find cures and save lives for patients with blood cancers and disorders.”

Working in Contracts and Procurement for twenty-eight years, many of them in management, Nancy helped establish compliant contracting processes. She and her team played a key role when the research branch was founded, negotiating with a high volume of universities, hospitals, laboratories, and pharmaceutical corporations, all within the regulatory requirements of the U.S. government. Throughout her career Nancy learned about insurance coverage, clinical trials, the regulatory environment, and long-term care of transplant patients which contributes to her knowledge of caregiving.

Nancy has a B.A. Degree in Social Work and a master’s degree in health and human services administration.

Caregiver Advocate

Like many people, Nancy’s caregiving journey did not begin with aging parents. Over the years she has cared for children, family members, and loved ones facing illness and life’s unexpected challenges.

When Nancy’s grandparents became disabled, her parents took them into their home. As can happen to caregivers, her mom suffered a mild but life-changing stroke while caring for her parents. Here Nancy learned one of her first, sad lessons about caregiving; the caregiver often suffers health and emotional issues. She later learned that a sizable number of caregivers die before their care partners.

As an adult, Nancy became a young co-parent to her stepson and later cared for their very premature son. Nancy and her husband served as foster parents for seven months when a child they knew was unexpectedly placed in their care during a custody process. These children all needed special care and unique understanding.

Caregiver Guilt

Later, Nancy became a primary caregiver for her aging parents, an experience that opened her eyes to the overwhelming responsibilities, emotional strain, and countless decisions that family caregivers face every day. Her mom had several physical ailments culminating with renal cell carcinoma, a kidney cancer diagnosis. She had her kidney removed and had three good years until cancer came back vigorously. Her mom died swiftly, five days into hospice care, surrounded by family.

After her mom’s death, Nancy questioned the care of her mom during her kidney cancer. The medical community had not recommended her mom see an oncologist; they relied on the family doctor for follow-up. When the cancer came back, they were all taken off guard. Had they done enough?

Nancy, carrying classic care-giver guilt, spoke with a colleague who was a kidney cancer specialist. Nancy expressed her guilt for not seeking more advanced treatment for her mom’s cancer. The kind physician assured her that the family had done what was appropriate for that time. She encouraged Nancy to be grateful for her mom’s three good years while she was in her eighties.

Nancy says, “A lessons learned. Many caregivers feel guilty about what they ‘should’ have done with their care partner. We usually do our best and do not control the outcomes.”

Dementia Diagnosis

Nancy found caring for her dad particularly challenging. In his late seventies, after noticing he had difficulties with daily tasks, the family sought a diagnosis. This was determined at the time to be vascular dementia. It first affected his executive functioning, the “control” center of the brain that manages the working memory, planning and organizing, and inhibitions. As time went on, her dad needed more care, especially after the death of Nancy’s mother.

Eventually her dad fell and had to enter a nursing home for full-time medical care. He gradually lost the ability to walk, care for himself, and speak. Diagnosed with Lewy Body dementia several months before his death, a nurse described him as a “functional quadriplegic.” He could theoretically move, but his brain would not communicate with his limbs. While it was a tumultuous experience, Nancy learned grace and forgiveness as a caregiver and as a daughter.

Author

After her dad’s death, Nancy published a book about their family experience as caregivers for their dad with dementia. Dancing with Lewy: A Father Daughter Dance Before and After Lewy Body Dementia Came to Live with Us, includes her dad’s original poetry, giving a picture of the man before dementia stole his brain. Nancy shares her personal struggles, culminating in grace and forgiveness.

Nancy’s second book, Remarkable Caregiving: The Care of Family and Friends is a collection of true stories from six caregivers thrust into unplanned circumstances as they emerged wiser and more resilient.

Nancy contributed to The Caregivers Advocate Volume 2, with lead authors Debbie Compton. Nancy’s chapter in Volume 2, Chapter 4 is called Lewy Body Dementia: Navigate Its Challenges with Compassion.

Nancy also contributed to Grieving Well, a Healing Journey compiled by lead authors Terri DeBoer and Janet Jaymin. Nancy’s essay is called The Long Goodbye, where she writes about the long grieving process she went through when her dad had dementia.

Nancy publishes a caregiver newsletter and writes for Alzheimer’s Speaks: Dementia Map. She also shares her journey in her Substack, Mornings in My Mourning Chair where she writes not just about grief, but about nature, reflections on daily life, faith, and whatever else may come to her mind.

Speaker

Nancy presents educational programs for caregiver groups, community organizations, churches, and nonprofit organizations. Her engaging presentations combine personal stories, current research, humor, and practical solutions that audiences can immediately apply to their own lives. Popular presentations include topics such as adapting to a dementia diagnosis with grace and hope, navigating caregiving crises, understanding palliative care and hospice, preparing for end-of-life decisions, and caring for the caregiver.

More Than We Expect

Nancy understands firsthand that caregiving extends far beyond providing physical assistance. It involves becoming a researcher, organizer, medical coordinator, financial planner, communicator, and emotional support system—often all at once. Through her writing and speaking, she encourages caregivers to care for themselves with the same compassion they offer others, believing that healthy caregivers provide better care.

Advocacy and Information

As founder of Grace’s Message, Nancy has developed a growing collection of resources designed to educate, encourage, and support caregivers and those experiencing grief. Through her website, articles, newsletters, downloadable resources, and presentations she seeks to translate complicated healthcare, dementia, Medicare, Medicaid, hospice, palliative care, and caregiving topics into language that everyday families can understand.

Faith

Nancy, a Christian, weaves faith through her work. She believes God’s grace is present even in life’s most painful circumstances and that grace and hope can exist even in the hardest of circumstances. Her writing speaks honestly about pain and loss while pointing toward the comfort and hope found through faith.

Nancy is willing to help people of other faiths, or no faith. Caregiving is something everyone experiences, and there is always more for each of us to learn.

Grief

Nancy is also passionate about helping people understand grief. She and her husband tragically lost their son in 2023. Nancy is a facilitator with Grief Share, a faith-based grief and loss support group. Nancy is developing resources on her website about grief and loss. She encourages people to acknowledge their grief, seek support, and allow themselves the time and space needed to heal.

Personal

A life-long resident of the Twin Cities in Minnesota, Nancy and her husband John raised two sons and continue to contribute to their communities. She loves to travel, write, learn, organize pictures, and analyze the plots of English detective shows with her husband.

Nancy invites you to visit her website, https://www.gracesmessage.com. She would love to hear from you; contact her with ideas, questions, and suggestions for caregivers and those who grieve.ch